The tuck up in semi hibernation ...

... to swiftly heal.

The photo of my sisters fingers all stitched, with the dressing now off. The passive exercises, reminding me of my thumb injury after a fracture, stitches and the nail removed . The nail bed now slightly odd looking under the new nail growth ...  I was warned of this. Only on closer inspection though .... 

That was an amazing experience in recovery. The help when I first travelled home on the bus with the initial, over the top blantantly obvious dressing securing my thumb,  until the op the next day. This being at the best referring hospital, the doctor said they would want to repair it, if it was them. I heeded the advice even though the panic more of getting there, than the throbbing of this injury. That first journey to another county from here. A cousin who supported me in this, travelled with me and sat in while I had the procedure. 

After this surgery to repair it, a talking point my sister had these last few weeks of being in the wars.

And then when the dressing came off ... It looked like a certain part of the male anatomy, it was cumbersome to use initially, the silent stares when using my hand in public when noticed by observant or derogatory looks. The nail plays an important part in the use of a thumb. 

It was insignificant, to what some face on a daily basis like my daughter's boyfriend... with abuse and much more at times in ignorance of his slightly different alignment facially ... when he is out of his locality... 

The surreal in ...

... the still of the night ...

the recent road trips and last summer in a daughter's car and a sister's... many different drivers, many different forms of travel. The styles of trains. And all the new roads travelled. The time away shut inside while roads and buildings continued on. While life and death, the move of time, too.

The first glimpse of so much on the senses ... even a road in Kernow I had not yet travelled on .... An area of the Eden project and the slag heaps so familiar here, the road view so different for it is the now familiar new links road lanes to ease traffic fast from A-B that are here now. As are the solar panels and wind turbines. The eerie style of the modern windmill. 

The upbeat

on how lovely the coastal views look. The darker side and ambiance is there.

A walk with my sister some time ago of going along a lane, looking dark and dank. The trees stopped the light and it was all dark amd mossy. I saw the darkness, not the lush green. 

And the deep dark and mysterious water at a recent harbour. What lurks beneath. The muddy banks when the tide is out where the wet sand is brown not the luminous qualities of my usual stunning quality creative speak ...

The sunset over the waters shimmering along the darkness of pools of deep dark hues. The cramped buildings darkening the shadows I have commented on. The quantity of strange in familiar too. 

... One looks at the bright side literally ... 

Those days first of travel, alongside that empty space was so cold ... and the little love left in me from the momentum of bombardment is what sees the warmth not the cool ... The smiles even when those scowl at me when they are in a bad frame of mind. The care less than before attitude of a mischievous one, once again let loose out in the world to keep on exploring ... 

The coastal air

in return to stale air still lurking in the recesses. The day I can clean around my home throughly will not be too soon ...

Travels

remind me how lovely being home with a brew ... and making a traditional stew ...

I have been enjoying the bounties of hard work in the rooms in thy abode.

I have plans in the bedroom this evening. I have been busy in the kitchen. I have been kicking out and  all that, but also summoned the strength to spend time getting organised functions bit by bit. I can see little glimpses now of me again in all aspects today 

The snow flutter hastens the spirit of those still around us now the body is no longer there... snow was very much a feature in the first goodbyes, that particularly season of loss.Yesterday flurries would have seen the pleasure one had in those eyes no longer seen ... 

... though very much

... with me the experience of life much from year end ... the colour and scents still imprinted in my being. It washes away those moments of angst. The pleasure of doing things with just Mum and Myself, the silence in that time swift in repair. 

A distant memory

now with hitting the ground at a walk ... The several different alterations in habits. The start of nearly three years to battle through of adjusting the continuing energy levels. The space to get the air circulation in better stead. 

I certainly had unlimited spacious air for a while. And feeling a lot in that. 

And the next step pleasing again today; on the haul back in place a bit on the brighter side of life ...

A very interesting period yet again to appear ... ? 

The adjustment

of space and ways ... I find the transition still bothersome. This time though the ideas in thought to action. And all that I did prior to the more recent time ... looks good ... well amazing actually. 

It is just the irritating irritations, in the simplest function in not having the all surround in harmony yet ... and missing all things no longer here ... 

A task set for January in achieving some small way back to a home; for some of the burden of mess accumulation that stops this currently ... 

The ease back in ...

and the aims to attain in decisions to put forth ... the next trips to the North and South already in the pipeline ... I am intrigued as to where I be then ... 

The rest

after in the arrival back cold, delayed and diverted ...

We were all huddled one severe frosted marooning, morning in the railway stations waiting room at the start of a journey with changes. The inkling of the frost in slow signals, through the counties back. The antiquated train system not really moved with the times. I was at that point, down in the further reaches from the cities.

... That aspect to get used to again ... 

And of course the difference in other countries, making me realise we are not really that antiquated... 

After delays and diversions

setting back into here again ...with delightful news on the doorstep to greet me for a change, once again ... The arrival helped to have future news to look to to get out of a situation in such an environment not many comprehend ... 

A white start to the

journey via Bodmin Hospital ...an MRSA appointment for upcoming op for sister ... after this, I was dropped off at the station early ... on the way to her work ... brrrr...

The bitter tinge

but handy to see in the memoirs. The reminders in the blur. The magnificent outstanding views of a place well know to us. The hordes of boats and people in Padstow. The ice cream on sale. The Cornish pasties. The end trail of school holidays. It is the first time too, I have seen so many dogs in one place... post crisis ...

The drawing

in the close of a time in gaining life again. The experience of a month last embedded to chase away the January blues and the worse Monday of the year for depressive tendencies... 

A duo of

pleasant banter, in being sharp in family jokes days. The tidy down of life with others. The thank you flowers purchased. The festive greets and thanks done. The winter walks. The special times being together. 

The wanders of moods noticed. The growls aplenty. The laughs too. The forms seen of life struggles to deal with. The challenges in functions only a few actually understand if at all. And not the need to know ones either. 

The readiness in another transition from here to there to here ...