Thy busman style

day ... on New Year's Eve eve ... a bit of housework and some mind boggle trigger form filling... then some headspace to clear thy mind and to get in the shopping for Mum ... 

The light fade of day briginging on the Christmas lights in town  ... the sarcastic tones and banter in ignorance at the cash desks ... the grumpy Cornish ways ... it totally went over my head ... the usual giggles not always got ... the legal high on me meds for depression... 

The jigsaw puzzle of packing to come with the new things accumulated from gift giving ... 

Looking to

a tad of rest on achieving much this month last. Then back to the tackle of emotions a clearance of life forthwith. The pace gentle to recoup and rejoice in life put back. The sensations of experience new, new old and old new. The vividness of seeing a live performance on stage which happened to be a glitter sparkle panto which used to go over my head with the ridiculous array of spin. 

The tipsy turbulent world of emotions too in what I now appreciate in everyday. And what I do not waste time on .. The complex array of more than grief. The relief in burdens no longer there. And how in everyday conversations that go over my head. The silent ... it doesn't matter. When people  attempt to assist what to them they think will help when actually it is not a normal normal experience I lived...

And those who whinge what to them is different in their life ... when they can at least function in the basic needs of existence 

In reverse a walk out

...to the top of town ...which you can see from the skylight here ....

A view from a skylight window in one of the towns roof 

The exhaustive ...

and abundance of experience this festive month. The brilliance in colour sparkles and glittering light of the panto and Christmas German market. The warmth of new people embracing thy painstaking novice leadership where many sought assistance. The leaning in for comfort. The acceptance of this new person who so happened to be Mum of a buddy. My gift of time in give. 

A treasure trove of experience in droves. The conversations many, varied and more of it. The step back in a county reuniting with family. The stayover of a sleepover. The many and varied huggable dogs. Leila and Vader the kittens who snuck in daughter's home from the neighbors at any given opportunity. 

The candle making. The kitchen crafts. The winter walks. The winter travel. The dramatic scenery. The A30 coming down into Kernow for the first time too, post crisis, of not travelling over the River Tamar, but passing nearer to Rough Tor and Brown Willy than ever before. The same distant moors on the horizon of a Cornish landscape within the same eyeful one sees the Atlantic Ocean in parts ... that one also sees in the mists of time here on each journey whilst when in these reuniting visits to the area. 

Breathtakingly amaaazing 

Time in change

... and the achieve in what one set out to try! It has thrown up a lot of delightful moments. The act of give in moments impacted a lot on inspiring what can be done. 

There are times when I have not missed much; when the dark vile veil falls for a tad. 

The time pass in much new old again experiences one had again, all the time the wait of the many and varied documentation., to get to the next stage of action. 

The emotional range in this time from amazement to quandaries onto zealous ... 

... Boxing Day beauty ...

... in a well liked corner in thy world ...

A sister

who loves her organisational stationery ... treated her to a certain clipbook which is easy to open and soft for her hands a struggle... 

I invested in one too; the tactile feel from the pixels since ... 

I replaced my Filofax in the early days only not used it yet?! 

Seasons Greetings

from here, this year!

The journey here fraught in tandem and now enjoying the time alone in much beyond the thoughts into starts  

Absorbed in

Cornish life ... the much needed brisk coastal air. The trauma subsides into a rested mode. Those closest see the difference. 

I still have dilemmas. I stilll have flashes. I still feel irritated. I still silently rage. I do find being outside strange to the senses. I do however feel more at peace surrounded by less packaging.The hub bub of tourists instead of commuters is so different. The Walks more refreshing at ease. The fact I am more likely to cycle and get involved with functions of life. 

The fact I will see what where and how I'd be a long way off before I shift the burden elsewhere to be completely free in spirit as I like. 

And some of those who still do not get the recupersusions and ripples and not get my circumstances and new needs ...

A Jack knife

we saw the aftermath of yesterday. The lorries cabin tucked up in a hilly hedge. Everything at an awkward angle. The police still in attendance and the photos taken of the incident for all the red tape this entails for who, what and why ! 

Camelford ...

..along the A30 passing by Roughtor and Brown Willy on Bodmin Moor ... a first not coming over the River Tamar into Cornwall from Devon for a long while  ...a road down into Cornwall from Durley with my Mum and sister one December Monday ...

A place called Fraddon via a village called Sladesbridge today, a brief trip to each place. A time too in a supermarket at the top of a town. And then a trip into town itself, for all things festive.

Tomorrow the probability in making a Christmas wreath using left over items donated to the Guides. A bit of baking later on in the week. And I wonder if Santa will find me this year! 

Thatchers

at work on cottage roofs. The once familiar roads altered through places last passed through. The new village built. The really familiar places passed by though foggy on some names. The town and surrounding villages in a town my grandparents resided in the same home all the time I grew up, my mum along with her twin born in that home.... 

A bit of a time with our cousins and visiting all the Aunties in the area, this morning before departing back to Cornwall ... 

The winter hues amazing in this time a travel anew after a big gap of time with walls and ceilings and not much else ... 

Ready

get set ...go and not necessarily in that order ... this really is a strain on me senses ... 'Tis noisy out and my thoughts are not on task in hand. My thoughts since the 13th have been not far from the crystal clear events in pulling off socks and slippers stuck to skin ... and all that that transports with triggers this jingle bell time 

Fragmented to

me but memories of time on a coach from a sister. The time I used to frequent an Auntie on journeys alone.

The await for meeting in a city known to us all. A reunion for me in this large celebratory time ...

Confusional Moments

the hidden anxieties within the physical and vice versa ... the impenetrable of body fat accumulated for reasons only we knew. The reverse in the accumulation of life in crisis. 

The transition of time now for the many silly seasons we have to celebrate glut. 

Transition cross over ...

... the influx of much in what am I doing? The outside still so alien. The every day functions brings reminders all around .... 

The laziness of others. I came back to home after time listening to mouldy bedding thrown, mould, accumulation of belongings in lock ups of the late foster Dad, and landlords leaving homes in a state of disrepair ... 

Up North the posh and the damned areas with talk in much, in little time I had with those up North in the class hierarchy ... the well off, the working class and those who children were taken away ... not because of the one parent ... as such ... 

The foster family, the birth mum, the clients, carers, parents and colleagues... a real mix of social time ... 

Aboard the final leg

... of this confusions journey... I hope? Nearly went Northbound instead of Southbound on the blue tube line by being far away with thoughts 

It is like the sophistication of spoof communications ... one needs focus and attention which is difficult anytime let alone this time of year for me 

Milton Keynes

central last stop  ... now all the way to London Euston ... 4G signal speed coming back hit and miss  journey ... speed of life in approach again ... a few days of apprehension as to when I will be on the move again ...coach at the weekend or train next week?

In the meantime repack and some time to self 

Chimes of Eleven

if schedule runs smoothly...my last chimes to hear here ...

Colour ... scents ...

a spectacle of a festive time ... particularly one Wednesday; a panto in matinee hours followed with an evening meal in Christmas style ...

...two separate outings ... one festive day ... 

We have been to Germany!

All the aromas and approaches for our money for food in distraction 

A Day Trip to

Birmingham 

Crewe view of a supercharger train awaiting at the platform for go ... 

... A Decadent ...

... cake making session ... 

a luxurious first in a daughter's new kitchen ... 

A little too crusty on the outside ... but delicious inside ! 

🍰 🎄 🎂

xxx 

... Mince Pie ...

... with a tipple by a fire and the festive decs, whilst home alone. In an area becoming accustomed to with all the quirks and ways of other regional twists on English food ... and ways ... apiece ... 

Thoughts turn

to how best to use my valuable time after a taster session of time with all spectrums of those that tend to get the wrong labels put on them

They actually experience more than those who are ignorant etc ...

A session

in at the deep in a totally new environment... connecting trust by joining in, the befriending from totally new in a challengingly amazing, a experience other than my hubby today ... the connections through body language and basic makaton .... to those hesitating though taking part ...

Striking conversations about life I knew nought about yet in some time today ... we impacted that precious exchange in a minute part of the weave in time

The touch of others today with their personal exchanges and challenges ... the little time in give to enable those who started this group to get on with behind the scenes challenges whilst we occupied those who either cling on to you or stand well back into the outer skirts in a group environment 

Meet the parents

or today the Mums of our kids met for the first time ...I have been more accustomed to the local  customs as you do. Our daughter is certainly getting the lingo in much too ... 

It is too personal to go into much ... the obvious confidentiality key ... but since both of them have passed their test it has meant getting the birth parents of our daughters young man get out of the home more now ... 

Though keeping it generic ...We have similar dilemmas in social skills ...

the context of what is missing when I met his foster mum ... the dynamics of much in the social care system ... and how much the mannerisms of the foster family is much ingrained in our daughters boyfriend .... though the original family ones never lost ...the how in the kids were drawn through destiny ... very amazing moments in much as always ... 

The chimes in another town ..

..a day in crashing out from the immense overwhelming feelings loss still brings in time forward. The next generation and the see from the past to now in becoming the head on from that paternal line in chapter that pages turn ... 

Illusion into

experience of life not through a lens in surreal ... it is at times difficult to comprehend an end to the past in sightline here ...until I step in the not known fantastical world beyond .... 

The time in

build up ... the kid at a concert in Manchester and I very much had a feel of it thanks to an exciting innovative ways in media... 

A taste and tease in the build up to see them again ! 

I am in

surround of collating items to pack ... the task usually done by now ... although grabbing stuff that time I know what anxious times are if I don't finish tasks ... 

The learn to ease up in time from A-B the more it is done ... 

That 111 and others where those that do not that others do .... This time in tandem with films, cooking, plans, the shopping left to do. The wind down. The tickets to print off. A bit of a pack and off to different times anew ... 

A lot has happened where I have been recently and the area not so for years .... I did book a coach seat to my birth county ...  but could not face yet another funeral ...

leaving ...

behind the memories of mad in December ... one time for time again new and old ... and another county born soon ... ...

And although I will be with others; I will be given much space as a special anniversary approaches for me in others too ...

The Remember that I do the festival of seasons in simple different now ... 

The blessings of seasons ... the special gift of time not always appreciated or approving ... still I do ... 

The embittered twisted soul; I will try not to be ...